Nothing but Sky
When early European settlers first crossed the Mississippi River and emerged from the vast forests of the east onto the vast grasslands of the west, they found themselves in an alien land. Nothing in their experience prepared them for this strange world. So they likened it to the one thing they knew that seemed most apt: the ocean. They referred to the waves of grasses as far as the eye could see. Traveling across the grasslands without any point of reference was like sailing across the sea. Instead of leaving a wake in the water, they left behind a wake of wagon tracks. When they came to a stop, they compared it to being a shipwrecked sailor on an unknown island. The experience was for many more than a little unnerving.
Which leads to the question: does claustrophobia have an opposite? Is there a fear of wide open expanses? I think there may be.
Please understand that I am a country girl. I grew up in a place with a single blinking traffic light, and streetlights were few and far between. On a clear summer night, we could sit outside while Daddy named the constellations. We could see them clearly without the interference of city lights. I grew up climbing trees and riding horses and pretending I was Lewis (or sometimes Clark, but I liked the name Meriwether so I was usually Lewis) as I wandered through the woods near my home.
But there was always a hill or a line of trees between me and the horizon. I tried to get around that. Sometimes I would lie on my back in the grass and cup my hands around my eyes so I could see nothing but sky. What was it like for Meriwether Lewis to see from horizon to horizon? What was it like to not be hemmed in by hills and trees? Could he turn in a circle and see 360 degrees of the edge of the earth? As I lay on my back and looked up, I wondered if Lewis ever tilted his head back until his vision was filled entirely with blue.
It took many years and a move halfway across the country before I found answers to my questions. I now live in Minnesota, but state lines are rather arbitrary things. We are on the eastern side of the Red River of the North, but we’re almost in North Dakota. The term “Minnkota” applies here. There are trees where I live, and hills and curves in the road. Like where I grew up. But only a short drive to the west and I am in the flattage – that’s horizon to horizon territory. The roads look like they were laid out with a straight edge.
In the process of exploring the flattage, I have wandered out onto the Plains. And I learned something there. Claustrophobia does have an opposite. When I drive for mile after mile with no sight of a dwelling or a barn or a telephone pole, I start to get nervous. Driving farther still towards nothing but the horizon, I start to get anxious. I keep a close eye on my gas tank. I fill up whenever I come across a gas station, even if I need as little as ¼ of a tank. I have no intention of running out of gas out in the middle of nowhere. And there is quite a bit of the middle of nowhere to be found in North Dakota.
Most dictionaries list “agoraphobia” as the opposite of claustrophobia. Agoraphobia means fear of the marketplace. It is anxiety caused by environments the sufferer considers dangerous or uncomfortable. But it is most strongly associated with public places. I think the anxiety I sometimes feel when I’m alone on the prairie is something deeper and more primeval. Adventuring is all well and good, but a road sign now and then isn’t a bad thing.
I look forward to next summer when I plan to take the back roads west and imagine I am following in the footsteps of Lewis and Clark. I wonder if I will ever get over the opposite of claustrophobia, whatever that is.